I have a 4 year old step-son who lives with his mother. Just about every time he comes over he is wearing clothes that are dirty, too small or not appropriate for the weather… for example, in December she would bring him over with no shoes, socks or coat. Most of the time he is completely filthy from head to toe, smelling like wet dog and stale cigarettes and often has cuts, bruises and sores on his feet from playing outside with no shoes on.
As far as his living situation goes, he lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer with his mother, her unemployed loser boyfriend and 11 year old half-sister in his grandparents backyard. I haven’t seen it up close for myself but my husband tells me that there is garbage everywhere and moldy laundry piled up in the corners because she is too lazy to clean. He’s also told me that her parent’s house is no better and that her police officer father keeps a loaded shot gun behind the front door. How can he think that is ok?!
I really hate to admit it but my husband isn’t doing as much as he should when it comes to making time to visit with his son. He often has to be pushed. My mother in law has his son more often than he does and that’s sad. She only lives 5 doors down from us so I make sure that he sees him when he’s there, but I feel like we have to force him. Like the only way he will see him is if we just bring him over and tell him to hang out with his son pretty much. I know he wasn’t ready to be a dad but now that he is and the mother is more or less worthless, he needs to realize he’s ruining his chances to really bond with his son and that worries me. I just found out from a friend that his son is really attatched to his mom’s boyfriend and I know it would piss my husband off if he heard that. I’m just affraid that he isn’t going to try until it’s too late. I don’t want his son to hate him when he gets older. I know he cares about him and doesn’t want him to live with his mother, but he wont do anything about it! He always says it’s because he can’t afford a lawyer and he’s affraid that with her dad being a cop that he will interfere and make it harder on him… so he just doesn’t want to deal with it.
He pay’s 0 a month in child support but doesn’t feel that it is being used for his care. I know he would be better off living with us since my husband makes a good living and we have a stable home. He has his own room with his own bed and more than enough clothes and toys. The only problem is, Washington courts make it almost impossible for a father to get custody unless we can prove his mother unfit. Which would be hard since we can’t really prove anything other than the fact that they live in filth…but I’m sure she can come up with some way to cover that up too. My mother in law wants to call CPS because we all feel that he is being neglected at home and doesn’t have a very clean or safe home environment and he is not well supervised when he’s at home. However she is affraid that she will find out that it was her that called and she wont let any of us see my step-son anymore. Before my mother in law started picking him up once a week and bringing him over to us, it would be months before we would see him… and he only lives a few miles away. I feel completely helpless. My step-son’s mom doesn’t want anything to do with me, just because I’m the step-mom and she only calls my husband as a last resort because they hate each other. Or more like he hates her, which is the main reason, I think , why he hesitates to make more of an effort. He doesn’t want to deal with her, so he wont. There are so many other things to add but I think this will do… It just feels like the only thing keeping us in his son’s life is my husband’s mother and only because she isn’t willing to let her son give up. What would you do in this situation?
Chosen Answer:
Call CPS, it doesn’t matter who calls they do not take your name and information its confidential. Document things, take pictures of his cuts and bruises, young kids often are cut and bruised by them selves so don’t take ones that are obviously just from rough play or you’ll look like a parent complaining of nothing. Take pictures of his feet, or what he wore on a certain date, how filthy he is and such. CPS will investigate, if they find a house as filthy as you say, they will demand she clean it up and keep tabs on it, check back often if they think it is an unsafe place for a child.
As far as your husband goes, he needs to realize this kid has 1 parent that doesn’t seem to give a damn, and if he lets his son think that he doesn’t give a damn either that little boy is going to feel alone and kids who feel alone end up doing stupid things, getting into drugs, hanging with wrong crowds, or even worse! Your step son needs you to save this situation. Who cares if you don’t have $ for a lawyer, fight and keep fighting, this little boy needs good parents, good role models, and a good, clean place to live.
Good luck!
Oh Yea, if he is paying child support, take her back to court, with documentation that the child is coming to you dirty and hurt very often, in my court order with my daughters dad, he is to return her clean, and return her dirty clothes to me. I had a simular situation but I am the full time parent and he wouldn’t change her or bathe her on the weekends. Fight for this little boy and don’t stop until you win the fight! He needs you!
CPS will not put this child in a foster home if you prove that he is neglected at 1 home and not the other, you and your husband can’t control what goes on at his mothers house, they would give temporary custody to the father if they found the mothers house unfit, and do further investigating.